Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Infertility | What NOT To Say

If you have shared your infertility journey with friends and family, they somehow take it as an okay to give you their opinion about everything, because suddenly they are experts. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but's ain't that the truth?!?
I've heard it ALL, especially coming from a Hispanic family...you would die laughing because of some of the things family has ever so kindly suggested we try.
Most of the time things can be funny, but then there are those few times that things just should never be said...like ever!
I've listed a few things we have heard over the years of TTC.



What NOT to say...
  • "Just relax, you're trying too hard."
    • This is probably the comment we've heard the most! And probably the most frustrating one too. For some of us, it just isn't that easy...there are actual medical issues going on and relaxing isn't the answer. 

What NOT to say...
  • "Are you pregnant yet?" 
    • Not only does it sound inconsiderate, but it reminds us that yet another month has passed and still nothing. 

What NOT to say...
  • "If you just lost a few pounds it would probably happen."
    • Just don't go there...just don't. Plain and simple. 

What NOT to say...
  • "Why don't you just adopt?"
    • Well, first of all, adopting doesn't help with the pain of infertility. Second of all, some people don't have the finances to adopt, or they simply want a biological baby. Adoption is very, very expensive. 


What NOT to say...
  • “You wouldn’t know; you don’t have kids.”
    • Just kick a woman while she's down. This comment is just plain rude, maybe they've said it without realizing they actually said it, nonetheless, it doesn't take the pain away. 

What NOT to say...
  • "You can have my kids."
    • This comment not only devalues the blessing it is to be parents but it implies that "borrowing" children would resolve the grief of infertility. 

What NOT to say...
  • "Maybe you aren't meant to be parents."
    • Boy does this one hurt, bad! And, if this was true, how can one explain the fact that abusive parents get to have children? No one knows why bad things happen to good people.

These are just a few of the comments we have heard. 
What are some things you have heard during your journey?


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"I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it." -- Mila Bron

4 comments:

  1. Talk about frustrating and hurtful! I have heard so many things along the way. But the one I seemed to have heard the most was "I know so many people who adopted and then poof, they got pregnant." Well good for them...but that's not me. I have blocked tubes people, it isn't going to just happen so stop poking your nose where it doesn't belong. Infertility is something that people just don't seem to understand unless it's happening to them.

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    1. Oh yes, we've heard that one SOOOO much. I absolutely agree, some people will never understand.

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  2. Oh my heck I get those too!! My favorite NOT to say moment is always, "If you took my kids for a few days, you would change your mind." ...and I'm thinking WOW how bad are your children that they would potentially drive me away from the desire to have a baby...HA!

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    1. OH YES! How did I forget that...we've heard that a couple of times!! Right...they can't be that bad!

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